Apparently I was nominated for this ALS ice-bucket challenge that’s running rampant on Facebook. I wouldn’t know, if my husband hadn’t told me…the challenge was posted on the page of someone I know but am not Facebook friends with.
I saw this person tonight, and he asked when I plan to post my own video.
While most people can be deterred with a joke or a vague excuse, this person didn’t lose track. And honestly, I don’t know this person well enough to know if he was just killing time (we were both waiting for children to finish an activity) or if he truly thought I should do this.
So I’ve run through the gamut of “I should probably do this even thought I don’t want to because it’s good to do things you don’t want to do but man I don’t want to and I definitely don’t want to do it just because I’m following the crowd and anyway, I don’t agree with the organization and its methods so I’m not interested in supporting it anyway but I guess I could do like other people and name a different organization that I do want to stand behind and besides who wants to be the late adopter and if I was going to do it I should have done it in the first few days, not now that everyone has done it but I suppose I should probably do it…” Yeah, I think I’ve covered it all.
But I realized that this is what it comes down to: The only reason I’m even vaguely considering it is because someone personally pressured me to. And while I think highly of what I know of this person, I don’t think that I care enough about his opinion of me to dump ice water on my head. I’ve spent too many years trying to simultaneously be noticed for being different and please everyone, while still managing to not be noticed, and I have to keep reminding myself that I’m over this.
If I choose to take the ice bucket challenge, it will be because I care about the issues, because I want to prompt others to make a difference for something…not because I’m trying to up the esteem of someone I see once a week.
It seems like a small thing, but for me, that’s pretty big.